Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize