My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
