Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
