I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
