I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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