dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
