I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
