I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
