You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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