And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
