he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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