are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
