what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
false alarm. still invincible.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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