i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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