you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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