The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
