My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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