the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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