I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
