why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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