when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
im six kinds of drunk right now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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