We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
