it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
