His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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