My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
