the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
