soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
