Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
