i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
