FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
