my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
