Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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