you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
