I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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