I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Let's get the cat blown out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
