So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
