Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
