There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
