Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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