u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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