i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
