there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
