we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she smelled like a LAN party
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
