My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
