you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
