I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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