I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
