why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
