It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
