I got her a Nickelback box set.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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