apparently the secret to your success is patron
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
